I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
