i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
