that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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