So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
