3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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