i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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