Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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