good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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