just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize