i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
