I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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