I think I won the penis lottery.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
