reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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