Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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