The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
