mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
please come you make the beer taste better
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
