This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
