last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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