I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
