I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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