Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
