Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
