Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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