I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
