I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
