O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
