I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
