i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
