we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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