Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
