If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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