Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize