i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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