i think my mom watched the whole time
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
