I think my vagina is haunted
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
