3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
