Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
