You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
