Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
