First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
