I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
