i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
