this boner is exhausting
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
