did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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