garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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