That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
