I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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