Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
