i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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