Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
