i think my tv is drunk
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
