When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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