I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
