I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize