big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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