just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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