I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
