i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
