she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize