Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
