I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
