I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
