I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
