you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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