omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
