you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
