so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
